How It Should Have Went Down
by OoApieceofcandy
Summary: He's a bird." "He's a plane.""He's a ..." The story of Aizen's true bankai.


Dear Readers,

If you have been keeping up with your manga, you would know that Aizen has released his bankai already. My siter and I had this odd conversation about what his bankain would be like and that is how this story came about I originally wrote in February or March of 2009 and that's that. Enjoy! Happy Holidays and Happy New Years:D  
~OoApieceofcandy

* * *

Aizen Sousuke is in mid-conflict with substitute shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki. Whom, he must say is much faster than originally anticipated. Ichigo tears a long rip through Aizen's top and stains it with the old blood from the unclean blade.

"Are you serious? I have been dying to wear this top. I saved this shirt specifically for today and now it has a giant tear through it!"

"Don't cha worry. Ya gots lots of others where that came from. I mean take a gander at Tousen's clothes. They're all stained and gots holes." Gin reassures him.

"You're correct, Gin."

Aizen pulls off the rest of his torn shirt as if stripping a table of its tablecloth. All the other shinigami look in disgust at Aizen's less than stunning figure.

"He really needs to get some more sun in Hueco Mundo. He's so white." Matsumoto exclaims in utter disgust.  
"Total Manscape and severe body acne. Ewww…" Kyoraku says

"When did he get a 'MAMA' tattoo?" Hitsugaya asks

"Oh it doesn't say 'MAMA'." Momo replies. Somewhere in the back of Momo's mind, the phrase 'What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas' kept repeating itself.

"_And that hair_…it's so dirty and crusty with old hair grease, you could seriously poison someone." Yumichika critiques.

"Damn, Aizen. You really let yourself go." Ichigo states.

"LOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEERRRR!" Soi Fon yells from some far off distance.

Everyone points and laughs. Gin chuckles too, (just a little bit) because it was just too funny how his past allies are now pointing out his flaws. "Shut UP! All you fools!" He then puts up a hand sign that sort of resembles the same one they do in Naruto with his sword between his hands.

"Wrong anime dumbass. What?! You've got amnesia now?" say the vizards.

"Shove it girly boy! Bankai."

The long awaited bankai of Aizen Sousuke was about to be revealed as a surprise to everyone. His release caused such an uproar Mt. Fuji shook. The sky erupted in a sound like 10 million butch soldiers marching to the battlefield. Dense sparkly smoke filtered the area and blocked any sight.

"He's a bird."

"He's a plane."

"He's a clown…WTF?"

Unohana's gentle face and calmed persona became dismantled at the disappointing revelation of his bankai's form and overall release.

"Hold on, hold on. You mean to tell us that we went through over 10 seasons of bounts, fillers, arrancars, screaming fangirls, flamboyant cross dressers, drama, 3 movies, 2 OVA'S, a 300 ALMOST 400 chapter long manga, merchandise, cosplay, obscure fanmail, geek who need to get a life and go outside, CDs, musicals, videogames, artbooks, figurines and trading card games and you tell me that this is the bankai of a former captain of the 13 court guards. What a load of bull – !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Schnitzel." Her vice captain interrupts Unohana. She was absolutely infuriated. Ichigo was laughing so hard he was drying buckets. Pissed off, Aizen squeezes his red circular nosepiece, which made its own noise and a giant cero struck Ichigo right through the torso and out of his spine.

"Iiiicccchhhiiigggoooooooo!" Rukia screams in complete terror. She began to tremble and cry. Byakuya held her back from releasing the rage from within. Byakuya whispered to himself, "I really overestimated you, Kurosaki."

All the others stood there shell-shocked that Aizen could possibly produce ceros even though he wasn't an arrancar nor did it appear that he had any likewise abilities. And that he killed a shinigami in 3 seconds. Zaraki raised his sword in the air and yelled " For Kurosaki." And ran with all his will to Aizen before being wounded by killer pies, poisonous balloon animals, ceros, large scrap metal released from his oversized shoes, and monstrous unicycles. One after another, each comrade went down. Then, there was one…Hanataro.

The Next Day

After Hanataro healed everyone and school began. School was in session and there was a seat empty in the corner next to the window. And the memory of him would be forever seated in the corner of their mind. Fortunately, Hanataro enrolled in school in Karakura Town. In his own corner, in the fetal position, Hanataro rocked back and forth, frightened. Rukia lost a lot of her memory of yesterday's events.

She pranced over to him and asked, "So what did you do to save us?"

"I did something little boys should never do with grown men. Please spare me the hor_rr_ror." He replied.

"Okaaay…I'll just leave you over there."

"I've seen things. I'VE SEEN BAD STUFF, MAN! BAD STUFF!"

"Okay. You can shut up now."

Rukia rejoined the group of Chad, Orihime, Uryu and Keigo.

"He won't be forgotten." Orihime says, getting teary-eyed.

"When are we going to have a memorial service for him?" Chad asks

"Never in a million years, Chad." An outsiders voice was a head turner.

"!" Rukia burst into a mad dash of joy. She leapt into the air and gave him a huge bear hug.

"Um…has she taken any soul candy lately?"

"Nope." She pulls out a drawing pad and flips to the center of the book to a blank page and draws her famous Chappy.  
"Yeah from that drawing. I know its you."

A foot is implanted up Ichigo's [ ].  
"Shut up. Back to what I planning on saying. I though you were dead."

"Well, what had happened was , Tite Kubo received some severe and callous death threats from avid viewers. And his ratings took a plunge down. So he brought me back to life."

"Oh."

"So, there's your story. But what happened to him and Aizen?"

"Let's not talk about that."

EL FIN

Please R&R


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